The END

I have made two attempts at putting into words my feelings and situation in my life at this moment in this blog, and I trashed them both.

All I can say is that things from when I was aged six have emerged, are causing me serious problems, and it has become a life-death situation.

All of my resources I have redirected to surviving and overcoming the challenges that I now face.  What I can say is that I can no longer carry on any struggles of playing hero for others and setting the world to rights.  I am done with that.  Those struggles include fighting Satan Hunters such as those in Hampstead and Becki Percy cases.

I am a different person from what I was in June 2018, and I feel and think different.  The feelings that I have suffered have become the new normal, and it impacts my deeds and choices I am making.  My life is having to evolve to my new reality, and playing hero is not part of that new reality.

I am proud to be associated with the Left Hand Path, and to that outlook known as Satanism.  Regardless of my positive feelings for Satanic Temple, I have always said I was an independent Satanist, and it is to this path I shall continue to follow, however, it does not involve anyone else, it is something private and personal to me, so people in real life will not know I am a Satanist, since I will never tell them.  I have been able to share my ideas and feelings on Satanism in this blog and other mediums because it has limited impact on my personal life, but I need to give my full focus to my personal real world life, so this internet activity must now come to an end.

I would have liked to say this post will be about a temporary break from blogging, but I think the reality is that this blog and my internet activity as a Satanist has come to an end, such is my situation that I now experience.

The ticking time bomb that is associated with my six-year-old former self, I kind of knew it would eventually detonate, but the destruction and ripples was more than I had expected.  So, here we are, what can I say.

Anyway, it has been an honor to have worked with so many of you my readers over the years, and now it is time to say farewell.  I wish you all the best in life.

fox_saplings

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On the Highly Sensitive Person

crossroads

Actions for a HSP such as me, such as walking in nature, is vital to calm down an over-sensitive nervous system.

I have recently become aware of a type of personality that makes up about 20% of the human population called Highly Sensitive People (HSP) the qualities that appear to describe me.  This is no disorder or disability, but is a healthy genetic natural personality which comes with its own challenges and abilities. The HSP has an over-sensitive nervous system that reacts at a higher sensitivity and intensity than most people.  The HSP is on a type of sensitivity spectrum, and there are those at the top 1% who have serious sensory problems, such as me.

 

I shall describe five traits of a HSP person:

Sensory issues

The senses of the body such as taste, hearing and balance.  Some of the issues I have include:

  1. a dislike of loud noise or high-pitched sounds.
  2. inability to wear jewellery; have tight wet clothes; wear sun cream .
  3. an adverse reaction to being uncomfortable and pain.
  4. dislike of swimming; extreme temperatures; swinging/roundabouts.
  5. being in crowds, and fast-moving situations.
  6. dislike of being touched roughly and unexpectedly.
  7. inability to handle spicy foods, and lots of bad reactions to food.

Emotional issues

I feel emotions with intensity which impair my choices and actions.  If I am aware of the suffering of children or an animal, this triggers immediate and intense set of emotions that make me feel distressed and ill.  I try to avoid horror movies, and anything that depicts suffering of animal or person, because of how badly I react to it, and it can cause me to self-harm or do something stupid.  I feel the suffering of others in my own body.

Adverse reactions to negative events

Rejection, confrontation, criticism, house-moves, exams and deaths are some of the events of life that has a massive impact upon HSP’s like me.  Whilst most people get over a criticism, I will ruminate and it will take ages to get over it.  Emotional melt-downs and angry reactions is common and normal for a HSP to even minor set-backs. The chances of an emotional melt-down is much higher: if I am ill; lack of sleep; hungry; uncomfortable, such as cold and wet; under stress such as deadlines and too many demands at the same time; over-stimulating environment.

Adverse reactions to stimulants

Small doses of caffeine, alcohol or a drug can cause an immediate and overwhelming reaction.  I keep away from alcohol and all drugs such as cannabis because I know that my already over-sensitive nervous system would be pushed over the edge with such stimulants that could put me and others at risk.

Being overwhelmed

Being overwhelmed is a common experience with a HSP like me, with constant bombardment of emotional and sensory activity in my body via my nervous system.  Avoiding situations such as being in a crowded and noisy space, having an opportunity to be alone, having downtime, and being in nature is vital, otherwise I will have an emotional meltdown, start self-harming or risk mental illness.

It is how it is

There is no point telling me to stop being sensitive, pull myself together, be a man, be in control.  To be able to meet the expectations of others means to suppress the experience of sensory and emotional activity in the body, which won’t vanish, it will manifest as self-harm, sickness and bad choices/actions that hurt self and others.  For the HSP it is about accepting these qualities as natural, and working with these traits in a positive way.  Thus it means avoiding certain situations, foods and stimulants.  It means providing opportunities to be alone, to have downtime, to use calming positive music and surroundings such as nature to calm the nervous system down.  It may seem weak, vulnerable and hard to accept being a HSP person, and working with HSP qualities, but, to do so will mean a happy, positive and fulfilling life to one of misery and suffering.

Autism and ADD/ADHD

The HSP qualities are common to those with autism and ADD/ADHD conditions, there is also a chance that a HSP individual could be wrong misdiagnosed and then medicated for a condition they never had, which will make matters worse for them.

A refocus from confrontation to creativity

In recent months my ability to control my HSP-like qualities has been lost, and thus I have had to seriously rethink my life choices and situation.  One issue concerns my campaigning against the Satan Hunters such as Sabine McNeill or Becki Percy, whose actions and the results of those actions is making me so distressed that I feel it would be better I stop campaigning against them.

It is my thinking that if I stopped fighting predators like Becki Percy, but instead refocus upon creating something such as an AI that would curb these monsters, then I would be indulging in something positive, creative and where I have a passion, without having to deal with so many negative feelings in my body.  It’s just that I am unable to cope with the toxic feelings, so this refocusing of my attention to something creative rather than confrontational is best for everyone, but also for my own mental health.

On real world, internet and artificial intelligence

ai

The disconnection between real world and virtual world in technology hurts both people and this planet.  The ideal is to have both worlds aligned so they are in harmony. 

In South Korea a couple who spent all their time raising a virtual child allowed their real child to starve to death. Despite all the advantages that the internet and artificial intelligence brings, there is a huge disconnection between real world and the virtual world, where an individual must choose between living in one or the other.

The virtual world traps people in fantasy and delusion.

It is easy to become trapped in the artificial bubble of cyberspace neglecting real friends and even the basics of sleeping and eating.  The internet offers experiences that have no relationship to the real world, which makes people act and think in ways that they would not do if they were grounded in the real world.  In studying those who are caught grooming children for sex on the internet, which has become a national sport for hundreds of amateur hunters in the UK to encourage and then get predators arrested by the police for grooming children, it never ceases to amaze me at the stupidity, lack of empathy and wishful thinking on the part of predators who fall for what are crude clumsy online traps.  It is beyond reason why adults turn up where children meet on the internet, then share with them pictures of their penis, or their fetishes such as foot sucking, or sexual concepts that even I was ignorant of.  It is disturbing to watch these people when caught by the hunters become broken as they realise their jobs, friends, family, life, reputation and liberty is wiped out as the handcuffs go on, for their inability to distinguish real world from that of the fantasies of online life.

The disconnect between real world and machines

There is also a disconnection with the real world when it comes to new technologies such as artificial intelligence and drones.  There is a growing fashion to deploy drones and robots to deliver items such as food to the door.  The problem with these delivery machines is the numbers of them that will be deployed so that humans have to cope with hazards of thousands of machines running around in the air and on the paths.  Likewise, when self-driving vehicles come onto the road in numbers, if they have to decide who dies in a collision, will it be me over another person because they happen to have a better credit score?

So-called AI based on big data and neural networks base their decision-making on data patterns that have no connection to reality, so if it happens that an individual falls outside the normal pattern due to their circumstances, then they will be penalised for being different to the norm.  Such AI are now making decisions on credit loan applications, if children should be taken into care, what medication to give, the type and length of criminal penalties such as jail time.  In a growing number of larger corporations it is AI who now run recruiting and hiring processes.  With budgets growing less, so public and private entities are using AI to run their processes to cut costs, based on flawed big data patterns.

The disconnect between human and machine can create a backlash

It only takes one child to be killed in collision with an Amazon delivery drone for a huge public backlash against AI, robots and drones.  As a positive supporter of AI, my concern is on the matter of the disconnection between the real world and the virtual.  How do we over come this?

The real and virtual world can be in harmony

I argue the real world and the virtual can be in harmony. The individual navigates the real world because the image imprinted in the brain is closely related to what exists in the environment, a difference between life and death when trying to cross a busy road for instance.   The brain has a reality checking system that can in real-time update the images in the brain so that an individual does not fall under a bus that appeared from around the corner.

Complexity theory without big data for a new type of AI

My argument is that the internet and processes can be run by AI without the need for big data.  All these AI require is a set of scripts, the ability to sense incoming information in real-time, be capable of reality testing, immediate updating of patterns and acting upon the reality of the moment without bias.  In nature, the oak tree has scripts that trigger on simple feedback mechanisms such as when to grow new leaves in the spring, when to produce acorns and when to shed leaves in the autumn, which gives them a sense of intelligence.  The oak tree does not have a sense of reality, nor care, it has instead a set of purposes, sensors and scripts that trigger on feedback loops from what is going on in the environment.    These systems in the oak tree are so in harmony with the real world that rarely is there a conflict between oak tree and its environment, if there was, the oak tree suffers and can die.

My version of an AI has no need for vast amounts of memory or big data, but does require lots of processing power.  For the processing, this requires thousands of processors rather than one.  I break down the system by function, I allocate the number of processors to meet the function.  Every processor share the same scripts, but they auto-select which script comes into action depending upon their function and feedback loops between what is going on between them and their environment.  The feedback loops are powered by sensors acting in real-time.  This type of design means that an AI and an internet site run by them could never be out of step with the real world, unless there was a serious malfunction in the scripts and sensors.  There is no chance that a system could malfunction because some processors fail, since they all share the same scripts, they rewire and replace malfunctioning parts with alternatives.  This is how a bee hive works.  Most bees, as could most AI processing units, can change tasks and function depending upon the needs of the hive or system.

The type of design I am working on is based on complexity theory, where intelligence, aliveness and consciousness is an emergent layer of what is going on in the parts.  What is interesting and unpredictable is if one AI system starts communicating with others and self-organises to become a team so that a new super-entity emerges with another emergent layer.  As an example, oak trees do not act alone in nature, they are networked as teams, and work together via a fungal and chemical communication system between each other via their roots and leaves.  A mother tree can send nutrients through their root-fungal network to a daughter tree, they can tell each other if they are under attack and act as a team to deal with the threat.

In conclusion, the ideal is that real world and that of the virtual upon which the internet, AI and robots are a part of, is in real-time harmony so there is no conflict between them, where the real world takes the lead in defining how the technology is manifested.  This type of system becomes organic, alive, intelligent and conscious.

On an alternative to marriage and divorce

caring for living things

Nature loves diversity, it is always throwing up unique and exciting new patterns.  A healthy society is built upon this concept of nature, and I have no problem with alternative patterns in society as longs as people are happy and treat each other well.

As a child I had to experience two collapsed marriages of my parents, the impact was hard on me, and I am hostile to the concept of marriage.  The recent BBC television series by Louis Theroux called Alternative States dealt with the theme of relationships that involved more than two partners, called polyamory in episode one called Love Without Limits.

Having got over the initial weirdness of polyamory, I quickly realised that many people would benefit from this sort of relationship, having seen how this impacted the participants in the television episode.  Theroux interviewed two families who were involved in a polyamory relationship, the traditional marriages of both families was in trouble, where the partners had become unhappy, with the alternative being divorce.  One of the partners from each of the two families had entered into a relationship with the consent of their partners, so that each had a sexual relationship with two people, their own partner and the partner of another person.  Both families had children, and the children appeared happy about this sort of relationship, since they had both their parents still together, plus the benefit of other adults in their life.  The individuals who had to experience the sharing of their partner with another person was not enthusiastic about the situation but recognised the benefit to their relationship from a happier partner, which then boosted the security and happiness of their marriage.

Theroux interviewed two other females, each who had two men sharing their relationship, one female expecting a baby.  In each case everyone seemed happy in their relationship.  Clearly, here was an alternative to the traditional two-person relationships, and all the children in the situations benefited and appeared happy.

Another segment in the programme dealt with people who had a party where they were naked apart from covering up their sex organs, and fed each other food whilst blindfolded, whilst touching them except their private parts in different parts and ways.  I understood the thinking of why people wanted to have these type of experiences in a society where people no longer touch, this encouraging the production of hormones oxytocin and dopamine, however, I saw it as another new age gimmick for experience-junkies as an alternative to real relationships.

It is interesting to see how society is evolving to seeking alternative patterns to traditional roles such as relationships.  I am not bothered by whatever alternative emerges in society to traditional patterns as longs as people are happy and treat each other well.

On turning midgets into giants

judge_hind

Pick your battles wisely in case you create a problem where you did not need to create one.  It is easy to turn a midget into a giant by giving them attention.

For many the internet has become the soap box of their own vanity, all looking for attention and influence from their social media accounts.  Some of these individuals such as Becki Percy (@becki_p20 on Twitter) and Sabine McNeill (Hampstead Satanic Ritual Abuse Hoax) are hurting people with their false allegation making, which is why I have devoted time, money and energy challenging them on the internet.

But, it is my opinion that each individual should pick their battles wisely, since for every giant that is worthy to challenge, there are a thousand midgets that can be ignored.  If the error is made to challenge a midget, there is a risk of turning the midget into a giant by giving them the attention they crave.  Such a midget is an individual called Thomas Dunn.

Thomas Dunn? you ask.  Exactly, he is a nobody, a midget on a soap box craving attention on the internet.  I choose Dunn as an example, because Hoaxtead who challenges false allegation makers is now turning this midget into a giant, because they give him vast amounts of attention out of all proportion to what he deserves.

Hoaxtead was originally created back in 2015 to challenge a large number of truthers I called Satan Hunters who made up allegations about a Satanic cult raping, killing and eating children in the schools and community of Hampstead London, a vindictive campaign of false allegation making that hurt both children and their families.  Hoaxtead became a well organised and successful machine that challenged and destroyed the Hampstead Hoax and its promoters, something I am proud to be a part of.  However, just as the Hampstead Hoax is dying and its promoters are now arrested, jailed and sectioned, Hoaxtead is seeking to evolve to justify its own existence, where I am sure there is a future role.  Hoaxtead is also evolving thanks to a recent new influx of activists, whilst some of their leading lights feel confident enough to reveal their true identities.

For the first time I personally disagree with Hoaxtead on their choice of challenging Thomas Dunn, which could do harm to the children and families of Hampstead by turning a midget into a giant, potentially reigniting the Hampstead Hoax.  Until a few days ago, Dunn was a nobody with 7000 followers on YouTube, an angry self-righteous and boring idiot who wasted hour-long videos saying nothing of substance at all, which few bothered to view.  Then, Dunn spotted a video of the Hampstead Hoax, jumped on the bandwagon with a declaration of a major campaign, supported with t-shirts, banners and other merchandise, that he was going to destroy Satanists and rescue the children of Hampstead London.

In a series of boring and vapid videos Dunn not only failed to offer any strategy of supporting the Hampstead Hoax, other than invites to buy his merchandise, he had no or weak connections to the existing promoters of the Hoax, and was ignorant even of the basics of what the Hoaxters were claiming happened in Hampstead.  All I saw was a bullshitter who was largely ignorant about the Hoax, had no strategy, following or offered any viable threat to anyone.

There is no justification that the well-oiled campaigning machine of Hoaxtead to jump onto Thomas Dunn to give him so much attention, turning a midget into a giant. It might be claimed that Dunn poses a threat to the children of Hampstead, but Hoaxtead has  created the threat where there was none at all to start with.  Whilst Dunn might give the new activists experience in challenging Satan Hunters, there are plenty of worthy targets such as Angela Power Disney, Belinda Mckenzie and Becki Percy worth challenging, individuals who are directly hurting people.

Hoaxtead has to remember that the reason it came to exist was to protect the children and people of Hampstead from false allegation making, and in the light of this, to ask if its current strategy of picking fights with a midget like Thomas Dunn is doing the very opposite that it intended to do.  Whilst I will be focussed on the false allegation maker Becki Percy, I will be taking time out with Hoaxtead for a while.

On empathy and compassion

question-everything

Important to question the self when there is a demand to show compassion for another, if the self has an authentic empathy for that person, if they have the resources and ability to offer relief to the suffering of another without harm to self.

Cycling late at night through my local city centre I passed a young female sitting in the cold darkness in a shop doorway, homeless.  Our eyes met, and I was troubled at what I was seeing, how this person could be there now, my many different feelings I had at that moment.  Like a ghost, I moved on into the night, another face to her, and she another face of the many homeless I encounter each day.

 

Despite being in a period of prosperity my country of the UK, like many nations, hides the dark truth that all our public services, including welfare, have been cut to the bone, and those in the most need have fallen into homelessness and poverty in numbers not seen according to some for decades.

Both the Left Hand Path and the Right Hand Path worldviews talk about the concepts of empathy and compassion, but what does this mean in the context of that homeless person? Empathy is both a skill and quality of being able to understand the feelings and experiences of others.  Compassion proceeds from empathy by having the ability to act to help another person, especially one who is suffering.

Those of the LHP are harsh in examining our own feelings and intentions so that we avoid falling into delusion and fakery that most of the human population fall into.  My empathy was limited to seeing a vulnerable young female, and it reminded me of the many times of my own vulnerability, when I was cast out into the streets as a kid.  My empathy did not run deeper than that because I did not have any previous or other interaction with that person.

Could I have compassion for this homeless person, to act to alleviate their suffering?  No.  Firstly, all my own personal resources are tied up in my own personal crisis at this moment.  Secondly, to become involved with another person entails a high risk of becoming entangled with the many challenges of that person as this homeless person has, such as if they have bad associates or a mental illness, issues that I was not in a position to deal with.  Thirdly, I did not have the political power or influence to change the policies and attitudes that caused and maintains the suffering of this homeless person, such as welfare, high rates and property prices, lack of housing, or the lack of mental health and other social support this homeless person would need.

Because I choose to be Left Hand Path, I choose to be authentic, and I won’t act out of morality or because I feel bad. I do so in the light of understanding my limits and my true feelings.  This homeless person reminded me of my own vulnerability, it motivates me to act to alleviate their suffering, for I see in some manner that my help to that homeless person, also gives relief to me.  However, I recognised I could do nothing for this homeless person, I did not have the personal resources, or the power to influence anything, or the ability to cope with the predictable problems of getting involved with this person.  So I did nothing.  I hit my limits, and I recognise my limits.

Society is built on the process of exploitation of everything for the end goal of consumerism.  There is a risk that in helping others the individual becomes exploited and consumed, so in my opinion the individual always acts from a position of power of only acting in compassion with those they trust, and where they have the resources and ability to alleviate suffering without harm to themselves.

The individual is daily bombarded by calls upon themselves to alleviate the suffering of others, but 99% of these calls the individual can do nothing about, and if the individual does so, they risk exploitation and being drained of their resources to the extent the individual suffers harm.

It may seem cruel, but in most cases the individual does not have the resources or ability to do anything about it without suffering personal harm, it is better to not become involved.

Artificial intelligence and the professional

ai

Artificial intelligence is an inappropriate and flawed tool when it comes to decision-making over people issues, such as if child should be taken from their family into protective custody.

It is likely that I and my business will contribute to the advancement of artificial intelligence (AI), so I have a good idea about the limits and potential of this technology.  I wanted to touch on how AI should be a tool or assistant to a professional rather than replacing or undermining that individual.

It’s the great fashion in recent years that everyone gets into AI, which usually means either they have something that automates a system, or it is a pattern recognition tool that pulls conclusions out of big data fed to a network, which acts on the conclusion.  There is a lot of people in government, business and public services who have been sold a bag of poop that AI will save costs and provide a better service if it was used to replace people in the decision-making process in people-related situations.  For example, recruitment by big corporations is now increasingly being automated by AI, so that unless you know how to game the system, it will work against you, and people are reduced to the level of cattle in the corporate system.

There is an obsession with big data, which always has to be cleaned up by low paid humans in places like India to be useable in a pattern recognition system.  These pattern recognition systems such as neural networks operate according to hundreds and thousands of data points, building up through statistics a model upon which conclusions and decisions are made. These models and processes are so complex that not even the designers know how they come to their conclusions, what is called a black box situation.

These models are being used to make life changing decisions about people and their families, for instance if a child should be taken into care, or the appropriate penalty in a criminal conviction, or if someone should be liable for parole.  This impacts me too, I have today been to my first meeting with medical professionals, who consider I should have an autism assessment, but I also shared things like I suffered depression and had thought about suicide.  All I know, this information I shared is being fed into an AI system and it might spit out some conclusion that might lead to me being sectioned by the end of this week, all based on an AI data model rather than human decision-making.

If the reader has coded anything, they will learn that bad code and inputs result in bad outputs.  For example, if I dumped into an AI system voting intentions of a large sample of voters in Clacton UK, and used this to predict how the UK will vote in an overall general election, it might suggest UKIP would form the next government, but when the prediction is tested in real life, UKIP will if they are lucky only have control of the Clacton seat in Parliament. In a rising number of cases it has been discovered that the models built on big data are faulty, biased against certain groups, and are unable to handle unique situations.  People are forced to conform to a narrow set of categories to access services or be on the good side of a statistical artificial computer model that has no relation to reality.

It is a tragedy that for reasons of money, faith in a flawed technology, and a lack of trust of the wisdom and knowledge of human beings with decades of experience in their fields, the AI has replaced the human with tragic consequences for individuals and society.  Families wrongly suffer their children being taken into care, or being imprisoned because the computer judged according to its model this was the right outcome, and nobody can challenge the system data model, because nobody understands how it came to the conclusion.

This is never the way to go for AI, a great tool if used correctly, but totally inappropriate in people-focussed decision-making.  The AI is a useful tool or assistant where the human takes the lead, enhancing their decision-making, for instance in project management, not in decision-making when it comes to people.